wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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