There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
