apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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