I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
