My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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