"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
