Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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