Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
