I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
