Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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