the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
