I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
