so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
