I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Who died my cat blue again?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
