Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
