i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
