Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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