We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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