Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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