Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
