we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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