that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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