I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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