I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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