12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
