mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
