I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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