There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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