I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
