I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
