it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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