dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
