Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
