HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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