You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
