we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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