Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
