If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
