I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize