Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
