i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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