Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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