What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
