well you can't waste a boner
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
