I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize