She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
