just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
