apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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