How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Found the puke drawer
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
