Buhtt sex?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
