First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
