But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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