Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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