i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
