i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
