Pregnant stripper...not hot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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