i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
