I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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