Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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