If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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