Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
