well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
