i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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