You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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