i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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