...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
