I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
