pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
