Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
